Every day I learn a little bit more about unconditional love.

Some of us may learn it more easily with ourselves, and some of us may learn it more easily with our closest loved ones. Some of us may learn it most easily through witnessing it being modeled by others with themselves or others, and some of us may learn it most easily through witnessing nature.

I learn a lot about unconditional love by observing how nature works.

“The air assumes the shape of the room. The air does not say, ‘I will give you this breathing space provided you breathe the way I want.’ Everyone enjoys the benefit of being able to breathe in the air. It is the same way with the sun: the sun does not stop shining when there are clouds in the sky.”
—Khandro Rinpoche

Loving without conditions is being open enough to witness another exactly as she or he is. It is witnessing without evaluation. It is receiving the other exactly as she or he is in this moment, without expectation of change one way or another. It is accepting without attachment to how things are. It is at the same time receiving and releasing, honoring what is while embracing impermanence.

The same applies to loving ourselves unconditionally, of course.

Our definition of what is best, what is right, what is correct comes from our current perspective, our past experience, and our whimsical preference—not to mention behavioral, social, cultural conditioning. Unconditional love puts all of that aside. It lets us meet others exactly where they are. It allows us to discover another’s perspective, experience, and whim, to have compassion for our shared constricting human condition, and to perhaps even examine the limiting stances we once assumed and tend to habitually hide behind.

It allows us to meet ourselves exactly where we are.

Love without conditions allows us to recognize, respect, and honor that every one of us has our own, unique path of learning; every life has a sacred trajectory and a function in a much grander landscape. It allows us to recognize, respect and honor that we most saliently have word and influence on our own unique path of learning, that we are responsible for our own sacred trajectory, that it is a privilege to assume that responsibility.

Let us ask ourselves and deeply consider what we are able to tolerate, what we are willing to tolerate, and what we are incapable of tolerating at this time. Let us honor that.

As Dr. Mark Brady reminds us, let us ask ourselves and deeply consider the question, “where am I not feeling safe right now?” Let us listen to our inner answers, and let us honor them.

Unconditional love for self and other makes us capable of not relying on anyone else’s behavior to be at peace, and of assuming responsibility for maintaining that peace with ourselves—that sense of safety within ourselves—so we may be able to be fully and unconditionally present with others.⠀

Whatever we may perceive to be the external reality and that of others, let us assume it as it comes, projected from within ourselves. Instead of focusing responsibility—or blame—on the other, let us return the focus to what is asking for healing in ourselves.

At our own pace, we learn, we heal.

Let us get to the point of placidly not relying on anyone’s behavior to be at peace, of sweetly not being affected if people are unable to be honest or unconditionally present with themselves. Ultimately, everyone has their own, unique path of learning. Let us lovingly and unconditionally allow others the freedom—that is their right—to walk that path, to stumble, learn, grow and heal at their own pace, that is not ours.

Ultimately we can be imperturbable and unwaivering in front of what we once felt vulnerable to—in front of fear, in front of loss, in front of anything that caused our suffering to awaken and persist. We can bring this steady, unconditionally loving heart to our encounters with others and our experience at large.

And may we come to walk hand in hand with and fall in love with the fact that there will be an end to everything and everyone—the ones we love and the ones we forgot to love. This will grant us the greatest capacity to love unconditionally, to remember to choose unconditional love above all, to live a most meaningful life through love and supported by love.